Raising a Teenager when you are basically one yourself

It’s happening more and more, an older man marries a woman in her early twenties and before you know it she meets his kids and discovers they aren’t the little villains he said they were. In fact, the kids are OK. They may even be really swell. If this sounds familiar to you then you need to beware of the pitfalls being a young step mom can bring to the step mom who will help with the parenting.

You married the love of your life and you then discover that his ex is sending the kids to live with you. She is moving on with her life in another town and the teenagers want to live where they have always lived so you agree and the kids are moving in. Two girls and a boy. Before you know it, you are worrying over the little things such as curfews and dinner and then it hits in the middle of the night one night.

You thought you heard something coming from the bathroom and discover one of the kids passed out on the floor from drinking too much. The next day you are sworn to secrecy where you are begged not to tell your husband and suddenly you are put in a predicament and torn between the love of your life and his teenagers. What do you do?

First of all, when the kids move in, you need to lay down some ground rules and let them know this little scenario will never happen because you will always tell their dad anything about them and you need to let them know that while you may be young enough to be their sister, you are in fact, their step mom. Realize that this one little discussion will probably instigate a large sibling discussion where you will likely become known as step monster or the step mother from hell but teenagers must understand up front where your loyalties are or they will take full advantage of the situation at hand which is their stepmother is only four to eight years older than them.

Raising teenagers is a very difficult task. If you are a step parent raising teenagers then the task is even more difficult to handle. Always make yourself available to the teenager who may need you but never try to replace their parent or befriend them to the extent that they feel like they would rather come to you with their problems instead of their biological parents. You don’t need that burden. You weren’t there when they were conceived and you shouldn’t have to be put into a compromising position just because you are now a part of their lives. Teens can place you in many compromising situations and then they will use it against you when it suits their needs. Set boundaries and stay within the parameters of the boundaries you set for yourself and the teenage step children.

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